I’m sharing this because I would like to hear other people’s perspectives and because I am hoping it might be helpful to others…

Before our two children came to us we did a lot of reading and one theme that kept coming up was that adoptive parents need to support their children in grieving their losses, and give them opportunities to grieve them. We tried to come up with creative ways to do this, including using music and stories. But one thing that I would add – and I’d be interested in people’s thoughts on this – is that I think it’s also important to let the kids know that you as parents grieve their losses too.

I’ve had several experiences with my daughter (she is the one of our two children who is most visibly and verbally dealing with attachment issues) that I would never have planned and might have wanted to avoid, but I think they’ve been beneficial. Here are three stories:

1) My kids have an older brother they were separated from because of safety concerns. There was a...